marthamullins's Blog

Last night I had a scare with my heart. I had ate some Spaghetti and obviously my heart/stomach didn't agree. I got the hot/cold flashes like when I had my heart attack. I feared the worst. Yet, I did NOT panic. I simply just threw up... said "OK if this is another heart attack, so be it" and went into the living room, sat down with a cup of ice, and watched old SNL episodes until I felt "NORMAL" again. My heart never really ran away with me... but since the heart attack, when I get symptoms that are similar to the ones felt the day of the heart attack, I kind of think it's happening again. And that scares the be-jesus out of me. 

On top of all that... my husband STILL insists on me signing these divorce papers for HIS peace of mind so he can "TRUST" me again. I am so scared the moment I sign, I am out on my ass. I came back to work our marriage out... I left because I was scared and sick (2 weeks later I had the heart attack). Yet, he says our agreement was I was allowed back to try again and I have my time but for his peace of mind and to show trust I must sign these papers... they won't be filed...unless my "trying" doesn't work. I am so confused. 

Then I saw a message between him and his online BUDDY on X-Box Live where his buddy called me a "BITCH" for no reason. Dude doesn't even know me. 

I am confused, scared, and hurt beyond belief.

I don't know where to go from here.